Refuge

Holding onto hope
Buried ten (no not six) feet deep
I’ve realized that it is too late
In the meantime
I’m faced with my troubled thoughts
Thoughts of me
Thoughts of you…whoever you may be
Find love in yourself
And companionship will find you

This is where my search has left me
A heart bloodied with secrets
Looking for a way out
Looking for some answers
I said I’d be alright
Now I look to end it all
It’s too late
I’ve lost my life

I see these are lies to come
Will you even care?
I feel so much depends on the weather
That’s why it’s always raining in my room

Let’s play a game of Russian Roulette
Let’s risk our lives
Take a chance
Maybe I do freak myself out
A little too much
But intentionally?

I’ve tried to rationalize with myself
But even so
I can’t seem to give an honest answer
I want to be different…
I can’t argue for that
I am different
What I want is to be accepted
I’ve finally found myself
I’ve found my voice
And I want the world to know
But…
Yeahh…I know
There is always a BUT…

I’m trying to make cool
Of something that is not
Am I running my mouth way too much?
Like the girl at work
Who says her boyfriend’s name
In every sentence
And all you want, more than anything
Is to choke the air slowly out of her

I feel like a young boy
Who has just discovered puberty
I feel lost
I feel…
I feel lost with no one to talk to
No one who will really listen
I know, I know…you listen…
But you just don’t LISTEN
I thought you might
But I guess not

I’m left alone
To free my emotions
Free my pain
Free my confusion
I’m left alone
With a paintbrush
And a blank canvas