.nouveau.

They say when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. I’m still not sure what that means exactly. Well I do, but isn’t there always some deeper meaning behind everything? Anyways,what I take from it is that you need to make the best out of whatever life hands you.  The good, the bad and the ugly. I think I’ve finally gotten to the place in my life (quarter life crisis) where I want to get my shit together. Figure things out and do things for me, the way I want to do them. My whole life I have been selfish. Not in the way that most people are. I’ve always put my friends before me. I’ve put my family before me. I’ve put relationships before me. I’ve made sacrifices in my life knowing very well I would end up at the bottom. But I was making other people happy so what did it matter?

I’ve always had the non-existent mantra of “If you make the people around you happy, you will be happy too.” Yes, it makes sense, and it is true, but only in certain cases. It’s not the way to lead life. I’ve quoted The Perks of Being a Wallflower in my past entries and I am trying not to here, but I can think of a better quote right now:  “So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I just happened to hop across my friends blog and my mood and outlook to life changed. I cant ever get over how positive she is. How, every time I see her, or I hang out with her I always leave light hearted, relaxed, and just happy.  I don’t know how someone can just vomit happiness and positivity at everyone and everything. Don’t you ever get sad? Depressed? Angry or pissed off? Well, yeah I know you do but how do you embrace that energy, and turn it around into something positive, focus on only the positive part, and go on? So jealous of that!

Because of that, I’m going to try something. I’m going to try and focus all my energy into the more positive things in my life, and just walk away from the negative. I need to be stronger within myself, and fight the ‘demons’ within to push that positivity through. People say I exhort good energy towards them, it’s time I keep a bit of it for myself. A little of it at least. I am making a pledge to myself to always remember what makes me smile every day. I will also write down three things that I am thankful for at the end of every day.  This I won’t do on here since I don’t write in it every day, but every time I do write, I will be sure to include that.

October is a month I plan on making a few changes in my life…other than the positivity thing I just went on about. I’m not going to go out as much. I think I partied way too much this summer, and it’s time to cut it back. It will also help my bank account a lot. I’m going to work on the friendships I intend to keep, and say good bye to the poisonous ones.  I will stop giving people the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty, fuck that, you’re guilty and don’t deserve my trust right away until you prove it to me you deserve it. This month I’m going to work on being healthier. I’m going to start yoga next week, and I might even join a meditation group I just heard about. I am going to do all these things, not just talk about it.

I need to go pack for my camping trip this weekend...the coldest weekend of the season so far…are we nuts? Plain and simple – yes, yes we are J. The forecast calls for snow on Saturday. A low of 20 degrees. I swear I’m gonna freeze to death. But this is what made me smile today. Looking forward to a weekend away with good people, anticipating laughter and just light-heartedness.

With that,  I’m off to pack.