I feel like a horrible person, but at the same time I am not so sure I did as much wrong as this is playing out to be. I know I hurt you. I know I hurt you bad. I don’t think I shattered your trust like you say I did. I told you as soon as I could because not doing so was not an option. You had to hear it from me, and no one else. I’m sorry I told you right when you got back.
Judged. I feel like I am being judged as a horrible person. I’ve broken up a social circle of which we were a hub. I’ve lost one of my best friends, not only in this city, but in general.
I cant believe that just happened today. But, to quote you “it is what it is”. I can only hope that you come around and see things from my perspective. See just how fucking hard this has been for me too. I know the situation sucks, but other than not telling you right when I realized I was developing feelings, and letting Friday night happen, what did I do wrong? I have been honest. I have owned up to what happened. I have been truthful. I have respected you and your feelings. I have taken the harsh verbal, and written words directed at me.
You told me that things couldn’t get any worse, and that I might as well explore and see where things will go with B. You said you wouldn’t stand in the way of my/her/our happiness. You asked me today if we had talked and what we were going to do. I answered honestly, like I’ve been doing thus far. I said yes we have talked, and I think we are going to see where this leads us. Before I even responded, you already had your mind made up. It was clear as day.
I don’t know if she is the one or not. It is not something that I can predict. If we could do that, well, fuck, life would be so simple! I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say but I am fucking sorry. This is not the way things were supposed to go down. This is not what was supposed to happen. But it is. And I am sorry.
I’m going with my gut because that’s the advice I give people. It’s about time I take my own advice because my brain is mush, and I don’t know what is going on with my heart.
'Take care, Twa' you said...take care.
I don’t know what else to say right now.
I just...I don’t know.
1 comment:
It sounds like the only thing you could have done was rip out your own heart and serve it to her on a platter. And even that wouldn't have been enough. Don't let asswipes manipulate you into feeling like a horrible person. You're NOT! You're one of the sweetest, most loving, caring, wonderful people I have ever met. If some people refuse to see that, it's their loss. The people who matter will always see that in you. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and I am glad to call you my friend, always. :)
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