.thoughts.

It’s been a while since I wrote such an entry, but I feel like it’s an entry I need to write. I don’t want all eyes to see so hopefully I can figure out how to make this one private and only let a few people access it. We’ll see.

I finally had the conversation with Acacia on why I deleted her from FB, and let’s just say it didn’t go over entirely well.

“So are we ok? You didn’t want to talk to me about it the other day”

“I don’t really want to talk about it now either, but I’m going to have to eventually I guess. I just can’t have you in my life right now. I need to move on and I thought it would be ok being friends, but it’s just gotten to be too hard for me. At least for now. I just need to fix myself, and right now you make it hard.”

“Okay, well I won’t talk to you. But you’re gonna have to face it come Denver” [wait....really!?]

“What’s why I am doing what I need to do now”

“Well I will erase ya from my phone. And I know better than to try and argue cause I know I am over us finally but obviously you aren’t. So to make it easy on us both you are deleted.”

“It’s not an angry thing. It’s not something I wanted to do. I’m just thinking for me for a change. I’m sorry”

“Whatever works for ya.”

It stings and it hurts, but I know I’m not doing this out of anger. I am not doing this out of spite. I just wish I was given the chance to explain myself, but if she wants to throw down the defense card before I can even get there, then so be it. Hopefully one day she comes around and realizes that. But until then…

Things with the fellow are starting to get to a complicated spot. I don’t know. I am quite content with where we are and what we are doing. That is drunkenly making out numerous times. And that’s fine.  However when I learn that said fellow apparently really likes me. And also, apparently has been burned by girls in the past, and well…I don’t want to do that. It’s not fair to him. I knew shit was going to get complicated.

Told my siblings two days ago that I had my vacation time put in for December. I’m going home for two weeks. Akyere was the only one to respond so far. She said she was excited, but then right away asked why I was only coming back for 2 weeks. She said why couldn’t I ask for longer time off. That Mama won’t be happy I am only coming back for two weeks. That she wants me back for a few months and to try and find something there. Why is it so hard for them to understand that I don’t want to live there? I am finally in a good place. I have worked my ass off for the past 8 years to get where I am, and a little bit of just pure excitement would be appreciated. Mini me, Adoko and my cousin Jason have yet to respond. Who knows if they will. Well I’ll need to start looking out for flight deals.

It’s only Wednesday, and my brain is already in overload.

“Gonna put the the world away for a minute
Pretend I don't live in it
Sunshine gonna wash my blues away…”