Churning

I am not sure what is going on with me.
I feel lost and confused.
A wave of emotions come over me and I dont know how to handle them.
What do they mean?

I'm baffled and smitten out of my mind
Doing things I never thought I ever would do
Lying about where and who i am going to see
If only you knew the trouble i am going through to do this

I can already feel the nausea
And I still have twenty.
What will happen when i have one?

The clock is ticking
I dont think i can do this
I want nothing else than to do this
I dont know what i want
But i think i am ready

Afraid of getting hurt
Well that's understandable
But regret can last a long time