.vomiting.thoughts.

It’s been a while since I have written. I was laying in bed last night, unable to sleep with a million and one thoughts flying through my head. I should have just gotten up and started typing away. Because, alas now I can’t remember what those thoughts were.

My sleeping problems are back. I stay up at night and just stare at the ceiling. Sometimes thinking about stuff, other times my mind is just blank. A dark empty void. And it’s always dark, no color. Why is that?

Nine more days. I know it’s going to be hard to leave this time. Sigh. I still haven’t heard back from MAC about the application I sent in, as well as any call backs from the messages I’ve left. Disheartening to say the least. However, with my new slight pay raise, I’ll be putting more in my savings. Meaning more money saved faster. Two people quit the toy store this week…well put in their two weeks. Which means I will get more hours dumped on me whether I like it or not. If it is more than three nights a week and my one weekend day, I’m going to have a fit. I can only work so many 13hr days. And well Sunday I just can’t work, I need to have at least one day to myself – which I usually end up doing work but whatever.

My sister shaved her head. She looks awesome. India Arie said it pretty accurately “You can shave it off, like a South African beauty” anyways, she is rocking it. I’m debating doing the same, but I don’t know if I can pull it off…it would be low maintenance and probably easier to lock starting up that way…I’d do it the South African way – the towel rubbing technique…my hair is too long to do that now.

Back to Denver. God did I mention that I can’t wait? In exactly 9 days almost to the hour, I’ll be on my way to the airport. I should probably find out if my roommate can drive me there…hmm. It will be a hassle walking down to the train station with a backpack, a duffle bag, and two paintings under my arm.

I’m really sad Jesus isn’t going to make it this year – I offered to buy him a train ticket, but he politely declined saying that I needed to put that money towards my move to Denver. He said a lot more than that made me tear up a bit. I love that boy.

Wilderness camping trip is as planned as planned can be…just need to figure out where the hell I will be in a few months so we can pick a location for sure. And I need to buy camping gear which I can’t right now because I am saving up….man. Life is such a difficult thing. All I want is to relocate. Although I want to be gone by September…I’ve been told that in a year or two I will definitely have the option of relocating. That’s a guaranteed move to Denver, with a guaranteed job. However…do I really want to wait that long? I can’t. I’ll shoot myself. There is no effing way! I need to get a hold of other recruiters. The one I was talking to before pretty much fell off the face of the earth.

I really miss working on the farm. I didn’t realize how much fun I had there until it got nice out here and I had no weeding to do, no harvesting to do, no butchering lined up…no bullshitting in the green house with Elise…I MUST have either a porch, or a balcony at my next place. Large enough to house at least one raised bed. It’s a must. I must also have a dog.