.glimpse.

The skin is the largest organ in the body. It protects us. Holds us together. Literally lets us know how we’re feeling. The skin can be soft and vulnerable. Highly sensitive. Easy to break. Skin doesn’t matter to a surgeon, they’ll cut right through it, go inside, find out the secrets underneath. It takes delicacy and sensitivity. No matter how thick skinned we try to be, there's millions of electrifying nerve endings in there. Open and exposed and feeling way too much. Try as we might to keep from feeling pain, sometimes it's just unavoidable. Sometimes that's the only thing left - just feeling.
My whole life I haven’t felt. I stayed numb. I neglected my feelings. Buried them time and time again because I thought that was what was best. I grew up with the notion that crying is a sign of weakness. I never wanted to be weak. I wanted to be strong like my pops. Every time I cried, there was...still is a looming voice over me telling me to shut up.
Literally...”SHUT UP...STOP CRYING”.
It wont go away. I grew up with the notion that crying is a sign of weakness. I never wanted to be weak. I wanted to be strong like my pops. It wont ever go away.
I hate it.
I cant get rid of it.
It haunts me.
The voice.
These days, I cry.
I shed tears for reasons I shouldn’t.
I shed tears when I am sad like most people
However, I shed tears in the midst of my furies.
I miss being able to control the tears that fall,
I miss being able to say what each tear that falls is for.
Believe it or not, I used to be able to...