Space

Friendships and the meaning of them…

Have you ever thought that the only reason you are trying so hard to maintain a friendship with someone is simply because someone else close to you is their good friend or they are a good friend of said close friend? Did I confuse you because I confused me.

Sometimes it is a lot of work…with very little reward.

I want to stay friends with you, but I feel like maintaining this friendship is exhausting. I feel like I am the only one maintaining it. I feel like I need to give you back a little bit, I can’t take any more of you on because my back is killing me.

We all go through shit. Rough times, scary times, sad times...we rely on our friends and loved ones to take care of us in those times...but they can't fix us, they can't save us, that can't make life easier or better...all they can really do is hold our hand while we cry...

I like to believe that I am a friend that will laugh the laugh with someone but won't turn away when they're crying their eyes out. I am the friend you can call a 3 in the morning, I might not pick up the first try, but dial again and i will talk or listen to you.

I am here for you but I feel like you rely on my constant contact. And it is slowly starting to suck me dry. I don’t want to cut you out, I can’t cut you out, you ARE a good friend to me, you have helped me through so much when I needed you to help me, but I feel like I need to back off a little and the guilt I feel because of that is un-bearable. I feel like a horrible person, I feel like a shit friend.

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over"

I am not going anywhere, I am still here, I am still available. I just need to be there for me. I need to set boundaries. It’s easier said than done, but it’s something I really need to do…

I’m scaling back a bit…